The last time I had an epidural free birth was 11 years ago, that was when my eldest was born. All I could remember was that it had been overwhelmingly painful. After several years, my memory of that pain became hazy. After all this time, I cannot really describe my agony in detail. If I had perfect recall of the ordeal I’ve been through, I would have insisted again to take epidural.
Labor is probably the most agonizing kind of pain in the world. Too bad, only women experience it. That is the reason why I opted to try epidural during my second pregnancy. The only scary thing about it is the big needle that they insert in your spine, while you are in fetal position. Good thing I had a good anesthesiologist that’s why I did not experience any after effects. I knew that a natural and anesthesia-free birth would be painful… But given my age and maturity, I thought I was ready for it… I was prepared to take the challenge again… this time, in a more composed manner ( I was wailing and kicking when I was giving birth to my eldest). But you know, nothing can really prepare you for that terrifying and insane blow of pain. You experience this when it’s about to end… like the big climax or something. I wanted to cry, to shout, to bite something or some one. I was terrified because all of a sudden, it’s like I was experiencing all of these for the first time… It was all so new to me! However, amidst all these agony, I am glad because unlike other people, I get to be with my mother again. For the third time, she has watched me, encouraged me, held my hand, and supported me. Having to go through all that ordeal with my mom made everything better somehow. I felt her strength as she firmly held my hand- urging me to be strong and to tough it up. Amazingly, her strength seemed to have radiated towards me- so much so that I decided to end this misery by embracing and accepting it. At this moment, after two pushes, my baby was out. This has been a record breaker for me. I felt so proud of myself. Now, my happiness is not only because I now held a beautiful baby in my arms but also because I have in fact, gotten better in giving birth!